April fool! We have not prepared an elaborate hoax for your entertainment! Ha ha ha ha ha!

There is still no baby, but we are not quitters here at Safety Carrot Dot Com. If long walks and popping capsules of Evening Primrose have proven ineffective at prompting Safety's arrival, we take that simply as nature's sign that it is time to resort to serious chemistry.

So.

Today at 12:00 Eastern Daylight Time, Kate swallowed a glassful of orange juice puréed with a double shot of Castor Oil™.

Castor Oil™, as you may not know, is essence of freshly-squeezed beaver, and is a powerful treatment for a stalled large intestine. You know how kind words can soften a hard heart? Well, Castor Oil™ has the same effect on one's motions.

As a bonus side-effect, it causes a dilly of a cramping across the abdomen. According to midwives (who, as you will recall from an earlier news brief, are health professionals specializing in pregnancy and wheat germ), this cramping often leads to the sort of full-blast groaning and pushing one often sees on "E.R.", only without all the panicked use of defibrilators.

What does this mean for you, the faithful Safety Carrot Dot Com visitor? It means you may soon get to see pictures of a Real Live Fresh Person!

Speaking of which, Safety had ultrasound #4 on Friday. Verdict? Contented, healthy, fully formed human baby, ready for delivery. We don't know what the holdup is either.

Thank you for your time. We close today's news update with a few words of lifestyle advice:

Do not ever take Castor Oil™ for pleasure. It is not any fun at all.